1. A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
–Howard Scott
2. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
–Charles Lamb
3. Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it, and that’s true anywhere in the world.
–Andrew Young
4. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
–David Letterman
5. Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.
–Karl Marx
6. I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
–Steve Martin
7. There’s no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can’t do any business from there.
–Colonel Sanders
8. I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
–Steven Wright
9. I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.
–John Cleese
10. I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it’s somebody else’s secretary, fine.
–Barry Goldwater
11. Never let an inventor run a company. You can never get him to stop tinkering and bring something to market.
–E. F. Schumacher
12. Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
–Scott Adams
13. Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
–Scott Adams
14. Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats.
–Howard Aiken
15. Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn’t look up. Well, maybe once.
–Isaac Asimov
16. The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
–Ambrose Bierce
17. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
–Ambrose Bierce
18. Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
–Don Marquis
19. In modern business it is not the crook that is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing.
–William Wordsworth
20. Only a monopolist could study a business and ruin it by giving away products.
–Scott McNealy
21. I don’t think meals have any business being deductible. I’m for separation of calories and corporations.
–Ralph Nader
22. When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
–James H. Boren
23. I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
–Les Dawson
24. You don’t want another Enron? Here’s your law: If a company, can’t explain, in ONE SENTENCE….what it does….it’s illegal.
–Lewis Black
25. A salesman minus enthusiasm is just a clerk.
–Harry F. Banks
26. The successful man is the one who finds out what is the matter with his business before his competitors do.
–Roy L. Smith
27. “In the business world an executive knows something about everything, a technician knows everything about something and the switchboard operator knows everything.”
–Harold Coffin
28. The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you.
–Charles Dickens
29. Few great men would have got past personnel.
–Paul Goodman
30. When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of this mess I am in now he thought for a long time and said, “Yes, death would help.”
–Robert Morley
31. If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn’t have to advertise them.
–Will Rogers
32. If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter.
–Albert Grant
33. A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
–Samuel Goldwyn
34. We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.
–Keith Davis
35. His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.
–Arthur Baer
36. To make a long story short, there’s nothing like having a boss walk in.
–Doris Lilly
37. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work.
–John G. Pollard
38. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
–Bob Hope
39. The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed’
–Dorothy Parker
40. Advertising is legalized lying.
–H. G. Wells
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